Date:	2007-10-08 20:39
Subject:	mas cambios
Security:	Public
Mood:	optimistic

so i will skip keying at bennigan's and go straight into management, sadly this still won't be happening until the end of the month. but since i thought i was going to be splitting my time i have only key shifts at dp the rest of the month, which means i'll probably have to pick up some bar shifts. super lame.
other than that things are about the same. ups and downs. and i am thinking. a lot. about everything. of course some things more than others. the most important thing is that life was lifeless. everyday was the same crap...unchanging. and seemingly pointless. not that making your meal better at bennigan's is somehow making the world a better place. at least i know that what i do affects something. and with the salary i'll have i'll be able to do things that i couldn't before...volunteer-wise.
confused? as a child i always used to see those things on nickelodean, or mtv about kids who did volunteer work around their community. and i always thought that when i was old enough i would be one of those people. doing their part to help, even if it's only a little. now, here i am, 22 out of college and i've done very little if anything to make the world a better place. and i know people who have taken trips to other countries, some of it was missonary work, (which to be frank is not for me) but they were doing something. why not me? i'm intelligent and able-bodied. not many people know this but i looked into the peace corps a few months ago. if it wasn't for drew i think i would've joined.... :sigh: we'll never know.
point is, this job will mean the plans i've always planned on planning will finally be planned :)

Date:	2007-09-30 01:40
Subject:	changes...
Security:	Public
Mood:	anxious

life as i know it is about to change. both drew and i are on our way out of don pablo's. i just got hired at bennigan's. the plan is that i will key there for $12/hour for about a month, 2 at most and then go into the management program, where i'll get $42,000/year :) then yesterday i talked to the guy who is hiring me and he told me that there's a chance they will just put me straight into management, if this other girl's background check doesn't go through, and so far is isn't....so october 13 is my last day, or week that i'll be bartending. after that only key at dp and start key at bennigan's. i'm pretty excited, i mean this is kinda lame but it's the start of a career. a lot of opportunity is coming my way and i have a very positive idea of where life is going now. it's nice. :)
and drew is starting some crazy computer training. he has to do that for a month and then after that the school starts sending him on interviews. where he'll make about the same as me, but he'll still be in training. when he training is finished, ...well it seems like it's going to be pretty good for him.
...crazy...

Date:	2007-09-19 14:12
Subject:	again...
Security:	Public
Mood:	confused

part one: don't know if anyone remembers glenn. but we are officially out of each other's lives. not sure if i'm wrong or if he is. but it's done. forever. i'm not sure how i feel. but i know there's not really anything else i can do at this point. i wanted us to be friends, but he expected too much. was willing to give a lot, but he was giving things i wasn't asking for or prepared to accept. which is what i tried to say....i don't know if it's malicious or if he hates me. i hope not. i didn't want to hurt him i was just being honest. i'm sorry i'm not 15 anymore.


part two: for the past six months when you ask what i want the answer has been the same. do not be angry with the answer now. it hasn't changed. neither has the situation, which is why i am the way i am. what do you expect?? i'm trying not to let it effect me but what am i supposed to do? i know things are fine and will be but i mean really....

Date:	2007-09-11 20:41
Subject:	...
Security:	Public
Mood:	crazy

it's been probably over a year since i last posted. if anyone actually reads this i have no clue...but a year in the life of me really hasn't been that eventfull.
i'm officially a college graduate, and grown-up things are quickly adding up. grown-up responsibility and drama... a million monthly payments and a new one everyday. i hate being a grown-up.
i'm a key hourly at don pablo's now. basically, part time management. thursday i'm a bartender, friday manager, saturday bar and so on. it's an ackward position to be in for sure. difficult to balance friendships, relationship and authority. also, avado inc, the mother company of don pablo's has declared bankruptcy. we are assured daily that this will not affect us. we owe 50million, and we already have a lender willing to give us 65million. they are asking the courts to not let this affect health insurance, raises, and any promotions going on. we shall see, already our venders don't want to deal with us now. so we'll see how much longer i have job. ...i mean there's really nothing i can do anyway. and the longer i stay the more management experience i attain, which is really what i'm after. worst comes to worst, if we close, it will just be another opportunity opening up. ...trying to look on the bright side...
on another note, today is always a strange day. i know we all think about it i'm sure. but it's just weird, i know it's just another day, but look at the date and tell me that it doesn't conjur up memories of being terrified and confused and wondering what the fuck was going on...horrible memories and images play in my mind when i think about it. ...


...oh, and i'm going to hell...

Date:	2006-10-19 18:23
Subject:	what a month
Security:	Public
Mood:	excited

there's so much to look forward to this month. an so much crap to do. luckily i'm almost finished w/ the crap part. (school obviously) voodoo is only 9 days away!!!!!!! :) for those of you who don't know it's a music festival in new orleans for 2 days. it's going to be amazing and i cannot wait. immediately after that little Andrew should be joining us as a newborn...and i will be going to NC to meet him and visit gilly and i can't wait for that either!!!!! :) my camera is going to be worked very hard. it's so incredibly exciting, all of it and it still feels fake. like it's not so soon, i feel like these are still events months away, but they are both in less than 2 weeks. insane!
i have made a vow that by the end of today i will have my halloween costume. i have 2 choices, dorothy (a skanky one of course...my bad) or the queen of hearts. here's the dilemna, i already have found a dorothy costume i love but i didnt' buy it because while we're in voodoo nicole will be alice and dara's going to be the white rabbitt and i'm pretty sure brian and joe are going to be dweedle dumb and dweedle dee (is that how it's spelled??) and i was supposed to be the queen of hearts but the one i tried on just didn't fit me right (and apparently jessica d will be wearing the same one). but i don't want to be a party pooper or the odd one out if i'm not part of the group dress up ya know? like i want to be her and last night i found some cute ones online i liked and i'm going to try to find one at one or two places i'm looking today. if i can't dorothy it is i suppose. so wish me luck.
also, look out j-ville, here i come. only for dad's bday and only for like a few hours but i'll be there. :) see you then :)
and w/ that i'm off to the costume shop.

Date:	2006-08-16 01:46
Subject:	i give in.
Security:	Public
Mood:	calm

so i'm taking a break from my ghost status on this place and updating for a bit. this is going to start off a little depressing because it's on my mind and out of respect for her and her family i think it should be mentioned before my 21st birthday/vegas bullshit. it all seems less important with this on your mind.
some of you already know but for those of you who don't 2 weeks ago i went to the funeral of a 19 year old girl. the tragedy is apparent. dara's sister leigh lost her struggle of almost 2 months. she'd undergone gastric bypass and difficulties waking her up resulted in ARDS. her lungs colapsed more than once. during the inflation of one lung the other colapsed again and after a while her parents asked them to stop the CPR. now before we say anything else let it be known that leigh was already a beautiful girl. inside and out. i didn't know her that well but i knew the relationship she had w/ dara and the rest of her family. we spent a couple days w/ them for the funeral and just to be there for dara. she is by far the bravest girl i know. she's been very strong throughout these past couple of months, i'd like to think i helped when she would call me. but who can really help someone go through this w/out having gone through it themselves? it really makes you think. funerals should be for old people in temples/chapels/churches full of other old people and a few young family members. but this one was for a young girl and was filled to capacity with other young people. her friends and family's friends and just really so many people there for the family. it's a heavy load for everyone involved so i know after that the stories below really sound trivial. but this is an update so i'm going to write what's happened in my life.

( my 21st )

( VEGAS )

Date:	2006-07-12 20:53
Subject:	uh oh.....
Security:	Public
Mood:	ecstatic

HERE IT COMES!!!!!!!! JULY 21st (a little early but whatever)

Date:	2006-06-12 20:53
Subject:	it's that time again
Security:	Public
Mood:	ecstatic

in answer to my previous post. no they didn't bring maria her card... it's sitting in my room right now (i'm in so flo again) i figure it's big update time. and we all know what that means...LIST FORMAT! hoooray
1-went to the eye doctor today. met w/ some 'tude cuz they thought my appt was in july, i calmly explained that i don't even live here, my mother made the appt and they had agreed to squeeze me in. "maybe you should've gotten a card"...whatever bitch, I DON'T LIVE HERE. they were able to squeeze me in and yippie my prescription changed again. so i need new glasses/contacts, and they told me my eyes were probably freaking out because i may have developed an allergy to the brand of contacts i use. so new brand and no more 14 hours of wear. eh
2-summer classes going on. interesting. i was all about bringin up my GPA but the closer i get to the end of my school life the more i just want to pass. GPA intact or not. i've been motivated lately, now the problem is forgetfulness...or being super busy. it's weird, when i'm in so flo it's like time stands still.
3-i'm sure my whole family hates me right now (north of orlando i mean) because i've been MIA and i can't even remember if i ever called them back about memorial day. because i was working but i do feel bad. and since dad didn't call me back til yesterday about the reunion i can't make that. i have to be back in otown by the 20th for work. that's just too rushed. maybe if he had called me back over a month ago when i put my request in...whatever.
4-i'm finally near the beach again w/ 2 new bathing suits and there's a G/D tropical storm, granted not hitting here directly certainly as mal-effects on the weather. booooooo
5-yes i am going to be moving in w/ drew. ::scary i know::
and last but certainly not least, july 26th-30th i'm going to VEGAS baby!!!!!!!!!!! hooray drew's parents!! i'm unbelievably excited. now i must get hot clothes to wear for going out w/ drew when they are asleep! ;)

today we wake to find my eye all gross. now it hurts and of course i'm freaking that i might have pink eye. keep your fingers crossed that i don't cuz i will have some serious issues.
so what's going on in my life?
i just got back from ft. laudy for granddad's 75th birthday party. drew did a great job w/ mom's family. who are crazy. we were thisclose to getting hope-liz and stewart to pose in a picture together. but of course if one is being agreeable the other is a complete ass. case and point, when asked to stay in the picture w/ liz stewart walked away saying "i think it's time to go now", granted luke did have a baseball game as soon as liz walked away he jumped right back in...funny though, frank was taking all the pictures. ...yea
we called everyone on mother's day, no answer at nana's =( and come to think of it i don't know if we called dad's house but we def got maria a card. and by we i mean me and gill. (you guys better bring it over!!!)
haven't been to work in like a week which is another reason i better not have pink eye, i need moneys.
summer classes started and i'm enjoying all online classes and not having to GO to campus.
oh, and remember wheni was freaking out cuz chris was engaged, not so anymore. apparently she cheated on him and poor guy is heartbroken. we've been talking again and we actually hung out because we were both in town the same weekend. drew got to meet him and they got along pretty well. it wasn't until after that drew brought up the fact that we used to date. it wasn't a big deal or anything but he felt like he was being stacked up against chris so i could see if i did better. and i just told him chris and broke up for a reason drew and i are still together and about to move in together for a reason. i really value chris as a friend, he was always good to go to for guy advice cuz he's always been really honest w/ me, except for a few minor details...::coff-carrie-coff::
alright i think i've delayed long enough, time to do some school work...
peace

for those who don't know don pablo's on university throws a huge block party on cinco (next friday) complete w/ crazy drink specials and concert. last year there were around 5,000 people. it's a crazy time, and i have tickets to sell!!!!! you MUST have a ticket to be a part of the outside concert and outside is also where the shot girls/better drink specials are. tickets are $5 now but they will be $10 at the door. we only have 900 to sell before the day of and they are going fast. email me elfy724@hotmail.com, IM me at palabra723 or call (954)258-4209 if you want to get on it now.
<3

( pray this never happens again )

so i am signed up for all my classes up until graduation!!
that's right, this time next year i will be typing away about how happy i am to be done w/ college! i picked all my classes and when i emailed them to my advisor she said i can even afford to drop a Behavioral/Social science class and an elective. i might hang on to them just as a buffer like try to do them but have something to drop if it's too much. which i don't think it will because most of my classes are going to be online. which i like. this summer, ALL online which meansi can totally dip out of otown whenever...minus the whole work thing.
i'm pretty happy about this. to KNOW. i mean, i picked my major this time last year i think...not even. and now i'm double minoring (spanish and criminal justice) and i'm almost done. not late, but RIGHT ON FREAKIN' TIME. screw you early graduates, i am overjoyed w/ "on time" hahah. especially when you consider how many times i wanted to drop out. but now it's like...one more year. ..one more.
::weight lifted::
ahh, that feels great!

now there's just the little problem of what to do next ::weight dumped back on::
eh, i have a whole year to figure that out :P

Date:	2006-04-05 14:52
Subject:	been a while
Security:	Public
Mood:	artistic

not much to talk about though. pretty much just been going through the motions. work, school, work school...work work, school.
exciting stuff i know.
one thing that i found out today though i'm going to double minor in Public Affairs and Span. which is nice. and if i want to narrow my BSS classes i could easily triple minor...however that would require taking research methods for psych...and yea i'm not sure i'll be having that. another happy note there are about a million on line classes i can take this summer so if i'm feeling productive i can take lots and minimize my schedule crap for fall/spring. and easily split summer time w/ orlando and plantation.
speaking of summer, selena i will call you about this BUT once again i might have to push tennesse plans even further back! =\ my grandfather is coming to florida and my mom is throwing a party for him which i am told i MUST attend..guess what day it is...go on...oh that's right, may 13th. so i don't know how you guys wanna work that out, but if i'm takin online classes they won't start until the 15th and yea they'd be online so maybe we can work something out. stupid family making plans w/out asking!!! arg.
on another note my most recent dilemma is drew...it's not really a dilemma just shit to sort out. basically he's been talking about us moving in together, either just the 2 of us or us and mike. either situation is not bad. and the funny thing is i'd been thinking about how great something like that would be, but now that he's brought it up and i have to seriously think about it i really don't know where i am. and it had nothing to do w/ feelings for him. because i do love him (gillian, selena shutup). there's just so much to consider. $$ (it would be more than i pay now, not necessarily a LOT more but more), dynamics w/ me and drew w/ no escape from each other (you know we all need alone time), what happens this time next year when we are both done w/ school?! we move somewhere else together? what about the condo/keys w/ selena? could drew handle living w/ me and selena, could selena handle living w/ me and drew?? and one fear is if i don't do it now what if he never asks again? aaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh...i mean we still need more information and we have to sit down and seriously talk about it. yesterday he just got some prices from RiverPark and asked what i was thinking. so it was very casual conversation but before i can make any decision i will have to really talk. yea i know i'm gay. my gut feeling is to just do it cuz i can't help but think of the fairy tale type thoughts, like we'd be so cute, have so much fun and bla bla bla
blah, i have been asking for input but bottom line is it's what i think is best for me. sadly i never really know what that is haha...

Date:	2006-03-16 22:20
Subject:	try to follow this one...
Security:	Public
Mood:	angry

ok, so work said we had to work at least one weekend for spring break. i volunteered for the first weekend cuz i knew i would be getting my wisdom teeth out and wanted time to recover over the second. gill calls says she's coming to FL that first weekend so i switch it so i have to work friday after i get my teeth out on wed.
gill doesn't come to fl.
i ask to host this whole weekend because hi, i just had oral surgery, it freakin hurts, my face is swollen and i'm on painkillers, and was advised not to work at all.
i check the schedule before i leave, host all weekend. great i can just stand by the door.
call in to work today to check for drew what time he works. and to make sure we can be first outs.
i'm not longer hosting...oh no i'm 530 serve. and yea he said i could be first out. but it's a friday night and everyone sucks and i knwo that i'll end up having to "stay a little later" or close.
i wonder if i'm serving all weekend now?
gawd tomorrow/this weekend is going to suck.
i want to cry.

so i just finished my essay for Prosecution and Ajudication. yippie, now i just have to read another cahpter for that class, post a discussion, answer 10 questions, take another quiz in that class AND do my 20pg homework assignment in español. then i can start studying for my criminology class and for the midterm for the class i am making up from last summer. that stuff is due right after spring break. yippie. oh and spring break will be super fun it is going to consist of me getting my wisdom teeth out AND having to come back to orlando 2 days later to work. i know you're jealous. the only thing that will save spring break is that gill will be around and selena and i will at least have one date night. not that i won't enjoy seeing melly and the family...but yea..shitty
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaanywho, i guess i should get back to it...
oh yea before i forget AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

....much better

ok, so i found chris hendricks on MySpace. ( quick recap for those of you who don't know )so i found him cuz i was looking for someone else that went to piper and in the process found Kristian (HA, he loved selena) and through that i ended up finding chris...so there ya go. i haven't talked to him yet but i did "message" him. i wanna see how his life is going and tell him about mine. and then while browsing through all that i find out...not only is he still w/ the bitch that tried to kill me over the phone, but it would seem that they are ENGAGED! yea. freakin weird.
this brought me to a number of realizations, all a little scary.
1-ew i could've been the girl he was dating and then i would be engaged. ahhhhh
2-he is EXACTLY the same. like he looks the same, she looks the same and it looks like they are doing the same things that they did over 4 years ago. which to me is sad because he was really smart and should be more than some design manager at a fiberglass place. but if he's happy than i am happy for him, and i'm not even just saying that. i actually mean it, which means i may have matured a little bit. scary.

but most importantly a few years ago this would've destroyed me. but i don't really care. like i do cuz it's weird and he only started dating her after getting into a fight w/ her about him almost getting back together w/ me which only didn't happen because of my inability to make a move or allow one to be made on me. but i mean i'm not upset, i feel weird. because i feel like the situation itself is weird. like i got a little sick to my stomach, but not in a jealous way like in a "omg we're all growing up and everyone is getting married" kinda way. and if it was ANYone else, like ANYONE it wouldn't be as AHH to me. but this bitch wanted me dead. not even a joke. and i really just want to be friends w/ him again. he was like selena, but w/ a penis. my best resource on what to do about guys. and since drew is...drew i could use a male perspective. anyway i just thought it was CRAZY and wanted to share w/ the world.

so this kid across from me in the computer lab looks eerily like tiger woods. like could be his double. shit could be him for all i know! ack, caught me staring opps.
i've been sucking at LJ lately. but that's what i do. i don't have much to write at the moment. drew and i are doing Vday tomorrow night (i had to work ALL day on Vday and he had no moneys) so hopefully that will give me something to say. so expect an actual update after that complete w/ camping pix and everything. ...that is if anyone out there actually reads/cares what i write ...
and justin S is SO not my fault selena! i didn't tell you to disappear for hours that night! AND for all we knew he loved you just as much as Sam ...or he was just desperate for 3 way cuddles everytime you and i were laying down. so =P

so i have money again. hooray!
the past week or so has been exhausting. school is back in full swing and so is don pablo's. we're actually busy again! it's crazy. last night was a sunday night for example and yea i closed. normally i'm lookin at maybe $50 if i'm lucky. last night however, after i tipped out freakin $12 i had $92. niiiiiiiiice. i hope it's busy like that again tonight, but minus me having to close. i mean i won't really mind but i'm SO tired. class starts at 9:30...so i'm up at 8:30. goes until 4:30ish (she usually lets us out early, laurie gould you are a saint!) and then work at 5:30 (serve) we close at 10 on sun-thur...so if i close that means i get home to relax around 11 or 11:30. but i know i'll stay up late, especially if drew comes over. but thankfully i only host tomorrow morning and i have the night time off. which leaves time for buying a bit of furniture for my room...and napping! that way i can do it all over again starting wed. 5 hours of sleep every few days is enough right?
happiness for last weekend and this. last weekend eric and kristen came to visit and this weekend selena and hopefully heather will join the mix. super excited.
lord i'm about to fall asleep at the monitor, thank goodness everyone in this computer lab types like they have stiff thumbs for fingers.
btw, new home address so if you want to send me things comment w/ your email or just plain email me...at some point i will send out a mass email w/ it. but if you need to send me something right at this very moment the above method is how to do so.
and now i'm going to work on my online class for a while. unless one of you fine people out there would like to do it for me so i can nap before my 3:30 class...anywho?

that is all

Date:	2006-01-13 00:36
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	anxious

so tonight i had to serve a table entirely in spanish because that's all they spoke. and it actually went really well. we totally understood each other and it was a pretty cool feeling. and i have to say i'm pretty proud of myself. i know i'm a total nerd but i just needed to share that w/ everyone.
along w/ the fact that i'm moving this sat. this whole week has just been insanity. btwn going back to work and starting school again it's just crazy...i have one day off but that's the day i'm moving. busy busy busy........but i'm pretty excited about all this. work is kickin my ass though...so much fun. my first two days back i worked 15 hours. in the past 3 days i worked i think something like 25, i'm not sure because the week changed so it didn't add up my hours. just lots of working...and lots of schooling coming up. this year is going to be a lot of reading.
anywho peace out